Day 2, Unassisted

I am happy to say that not only am I still smoke-free, but I slept last night. No crazy dreams, no waking up 3 or 4 times during the night...and no nausea. I know this is a very unpopular decision, but I KNOW I can do this on my own. I read a post in the about.com smoking cessation forum about how it's not even about will power. It's about understanding that once the nicotine is gone, there is nothing but your mind to make you smoke. It's also about understanding that you get nothing positive from smoking. Everything you feel is false. That made me feel better about my decision. I am going to do this on my own. I will succeed!!!

Success!

My first weekend was a success. I spent it swimming and playing with my little boy and with Nick. It was such a relaxing weekend. I am proud of myself! I have also made the decision that I am going to try to stop taking the Chantix. I have heard so many people say that they did so well while they were on it, but couldn't keep up the quit when they came off it. I don't want to be another one of those stories. I want to see if I can do this on my own. Let me rephrase that... I want to PROVE I can do this on my own.

Wish me luck!!

It's Friday!

Does it get any better than Friday and pay day all rolled into one? I have to admit, though, I am nervous about this weekend. It will be my first REAL test since I quit smoking. I will get through it, I know, but the dread is getting to me. Weekends are usually when I smoke the most. I'm off work and it's hot outside, so we spend the days by the pool relaxing, eating and smoking. I don't know how I will occupy my time this weekend, but I will have to find something. Otherwise, I will be choosing a new quit-date and kicking myself for having to start all over!!

Random Thoughts

Have you even seen something that just struck you? I don't know what made me think of this at this moment, but something happened a few days ago that affected me more than anything else could have. My perfect, healthy, 2-year old angel of a son picked a random cigarette butt out of a parking lot and held it up and said "Mommy's". I don't know why it struck me. I think it's because he automatically associated me with a cigarette. Just another reason to add to the list. -

--3d 5:51 smoke-free, 67 cigs not smoked, $11.06 saved, 5:35 life saved

Frustration

Last night was one of those nights that just makes you want to smoke. A lot. Reece was really whiney - he is at that stage, and Nick just wasn't feeling well enough to do a lot to help me. By the time supper was over, all I wanted in this world was a cigarette. To make matters worse, Nick told me to go ahead and smoke one. Why do people not understand that you can't just smoke A cigarette. It becomes a pack, then 2, then you're hooked all over again. So, no, I didn't smoke. I wanted to, but all I kept thinking of was the beautiful blue eyes of my sweet little Reece watching me light up and learning that it's ok.

Day 3

I never thought I would be able to say this, but I think this is actually the time I will succeed with quitting! It's my third try, and I feel differently about it this time. This time, there is more at stake than just me. There is my little boy to consider. He is 2 now, and when I think that I could have stayed off the cigarettes when I quit during my pregnancy, I honestly want to kick myself. WHY would any sane person go back to smoking after doing so well without them for 8 months? Why??? Because I am addicted. This is the first time I think I have admitted that. It's not just a nasty habit, it's an addiction that fools you into thinking you can't live without it. Well, I have decided that I can't live with it anymore!!!! I am tired of a small, white stick controlling my every move from where I eat to where I stay on vacation. NO MORE!!! I intend to be smoke-free for the rest of my life whether it's one more day or 80 more years.